Tag Archives: Food

Hidden Valley Ranch, your pour spouts SUCK!

I try not to have too many “rant” style posts. I’m not into creating controversy to garner views. Occasionally I will call out a company for missing the mark so widely that I am amazed at how bad their product is. But, in general, I like to stay upbeat. Hidden Valley, however, is making it hard to stay upbeat about their ranch dressing.

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Hain Carrot Chips: Delicious and Discontinued (A Tribute)

Do you remember Hain Carrot Chips? I do. I remember going to the Bagel Bakery in Pacific Grove, CA with my mom and ordering a toasted garlic bagel with cream cheese, a Martinelli’s apple juice, and a bag of Hain Carrot Chips. We just called them carrot chips, but now I have to specify “Hain”, because the world now thinks “carrot chips” are slices of carrots that have been baked.

Let me set the record straight, this post is not about carrot slivers, carrot slices, carrot sticks, or raw carrots. We’re talking about the best snack chip ever made! Chips made from stone ground corn, carrot juice, whole wheat, and little bits of real carrot peppered throughout. Salted, slightly sweet chips that you could get, almost exclusively, at “health food stores”. Continue reading

Costco-style Pecan Pie Recipe

Orion and pecan pieI love Pecan Pie!! I love Costco Pecan Pie!! For years, it was a tradition on my birthday in November to pickup a giant Costco pecan pie and share it with my pecan-loving friends and family. Costco broke that tradition by moving their bake schedule a week later to after my birthday.

In dramatic fashion, I let Costco know what I thought. It has been fruitless.

My wife now bakes the pecan pies in our house, and we don’t have to wait for Costco to decide that “it’s time” to make them. We can have them all year long. Who else thinks it’s stupid that pecan pie is seasonal? Like it doesn’t taste good in June? Come on!

Anyway, it’s really easy to make Costco-style pecan pie. First off you need some Karo Corn Syrup or whatever corn syrup substitute you use. We use straight-up corn syrup and we’re not afraid of it. As long as you don’t live off of it it’s not going to hurt you (moderation, friends). Continue reading

Remember when SunChips bags were deafeningly loud?

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SunChips are delicious. This is an opinion that I share with many. I’m grateful that SunChips exist. They contribute to society. But remember when they tried to contribute to ecology?

In 2008, SunChips tried to be the first snack maker to save the planet by using biodegradable, compostable bags. These bags would fully breakdown within 14 weeks of being in a compost pile.

The idea was, SunChips would win the “green” war by packaging their delicious chips in bags that would biodegrade significantly faster than traditional chip bags. “Smart move”, we would all think years later. Except that “No!!!”. America wasn’t ready for a planet-friendly chip bag yet. Instead of accepting this forward-thinking plan, Americans collectively vetoed the new SunChips bags and demanded the return of the old bags. But why? Continue reading

Don’t eat Trader Joe’s (Jose’s) Salted Tortilla Chips

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The Package reads “Made with Stone Ground Yellow Corn”, but they taste like they are “Corn Made with Ground Yellow Stone”.  These chips were so hard and uncomfortable to eat, they made my soul’s jaw ache.

Trader Joe’s has, in the past, made some decent chips.  They have never been great, but adequate for human consumption and a convenient purchase if you are already at a Trader Joe’s.  But there has been a steady decline in their snack line, particularly with corn chips.  It’s not as if the chips are past the “best by” date, but still somehow they have a staleness.  But worse than being merely stale, these Salted Tortilla Chips have a texture that hints that they may have been made from thin, marble slabs rather than corn tortillas.  The taste is fine (fine, not great), but the texture is course and completely unacceptable.

This isn’t a review, it’s a warning

I am not saying don’t buy Trader Jose’s Salted Tortilla Chips.  If you love Trader Joe’s and hate good tortilla chips and want to make sure that Trader Joe’s continues to produce malicious chips designed to repulse instead of satisfy, then buy these by the box.  Go ahead and waste allocate your money however you like. But for the sake of your teeth, and the teeth of those you love, DO NOT EAT THESE TORTILLA CHIPS.

Only if we are united can we crush these fraudulent tortilla chips…

…because they are so hard no one can do it alone.

And judging by the Trader Joe’s Surfboards (another chip that seeks to murder mandibles everywhere), there is a mission on the part of Trader Joe’s to pervert what good people think is an edible tortilla chip.  Trader Joe’s is now completely in-house in their snack department and we can no longer depend on Barbara’s and other fine snack food makers to present an acceptable form of snack.  And this makes me wonder if it is in fact Trader Joe’s vision to make us hate snack foods so much that we forego them completely for “organic” produce, and kombucha.

Well, I will resist!

I will stand firm (like a Trader Jose’s Salted Tortilla Chip) against these imposter chips.  Even to the point of eating other average tortilla chips, such as Mission, and Santita’s, in protest.